Funerals are an important part of the grieving process for a family that is saying goodbye to their loved one.

The funeral for Meg Maurer, who was tragically killed by a runaway semi tire while standing between two parked vehicles at a rest stop in Mississippi, was an important part of the grieving process for our entire community and beyond.

Meg was 21 years old. Talented, compassionate, intelligent, beautiful inside and out, and in the words of her mother, Tracy, Meg was Ah-mazing!!!! Meg helped others and was a teacher at heart. After graduation, she was literally going to change the world. The truth is, she already has.

And now she’s gone.

In my message that day, I addressed the “why” question. Who is to blame and why would they do this?  In an instance like this, God is frequently the target. Why would God “let” that happen?

I admitted that I’m not the one to ask. I don’t know why this freak accident happened.

But I also said that if you think turning to the Bible is going to help, the answer that Jesus provides might surprise you.

When Jesus is told about some people from Galilee who are tortured and killed by Pilate, he asks if they think those people’s sins were worse than the others who weren’t killed. Then, he asks whether the 18 people killed by a tower falling in Siloam (Luke 13:1-4) were worse offenders than the rest who lived following that accident?

The implied answer to each is an emphatic “no.” Jesus admits that things happen—that God is not a puppet-master controlling our every thought and move.

Which could make this grief work harder. If we never get an answer to the “why”, how do we reconcile those feelings over time?  

Culturally, we have a tendency to expect people to “get over” their grief.

People who are grieving often mention their frustration when their support network doesn’t know how to support them.  Friends will distance themselves or a family member will get angry when the person mourning needs to process their grief, even after a long period of time has elapsed.

One woman said that the most frustrating part of the grieving process is when others expect her to be over it. Or when people don’t understand why she could still be so sad.

When I talk to people who are grieving, they also mention the helpful words or phrases used to try to comfort them like “it’s all part of God’s plan”, “everything happens for a reason”, or “God needed another angel.”

Can I request one thing from you?

Please don’t say this to someone who is grieving.  

I know that you mean well. I know that you are trying to find words to help and you’re saying these words out of love. But also, try to understand how the person hearing it might receive those words. You might have the opposite reaction to your desired intent.

Our community will grieve Meg in different ways. Some of her closest friends, family members, and classmates will need your support in the weeks and months to come when the weight of their loss hits them.

Reach out. Listen. Hear their stories about Meg. Refer them to me or to their pastor. We’ll listen!

Don’t try to fix the grief. Don’t try to solve the why. Just be present with those who are grieving and you’ll be more helpful than you could ever imagine.